Liz Savino's Continuing Blog

Before I flew back down to Florida to pack up mum, I had 2 days to get her new apartment furnished. Although she would spend at least a week with me at our house (and theoretically we could shop for furniture together), I knew that her reduced level of functionality would make that impossible. I was going to have to do this without her.    Fortunately, I had access to the best no-nonsense/ 'get 'er done' shopper: my daughter Emma.  She met me after work, and, in less than 2 hours we bought a bedroom set, mattress, loveseat, cushions, bookshelf, mirror and console.While we were there, Emma texted Will (our son/her brother) and told him to research tvs - the kind they make for old ladies - with simple controls. She gave him the measurements of the console. Will was on it. Because Emma is tiny like mum, she tested each piece of furniture. She was very particular about the seat depth of the couch (if it's too deep, their short legs won't let their feet touch the ground)...

So, we waited.  In the meantime Kevin carried on by himself in Florida. He admits that mum was watching a lot of television and he'd had limited verbal interaction. She also had lost her appetite. Cocktail hour was still part of their routine, but there was no longer any vodka in her tonic. Truth? Kevin had omitted that ingredient a while ago . However, tonic water, ice, and a quarter of a lime squeezed into a frosty glass could fool just about anyone.  March passed quietly. She was content and, most importantly, she wasn't hallucinating. During this calm period, she'd had a succesful Facetime interview with the Senior Living facility we had chosen, had her final doctor appointment with her Florida physician, and all the paperwork was completed. Then, in early April, I got a panicky telephone call from mum. She told me that her friend couldn't breathe and she needed to get her to the doctor. I asked her to put Kevin on the phone. Sure enough the manic phase was starting...

Do you know how many assisted living/memory care/senior care/senior housing/long term care/continuing care/senior living/ nursing homes there are in Western New York? Neither do I. But there are a LOT! I was completely overwhelmed when I got home and started googling the options. Determined to find a short cut, I started calling friends. My husband, Bill did the same. Everyone had an opinion about the best places. After talking to a bunch of people, I  was even more confused. At least I was until I remembered about my sweet friend, D.Mac. She's an expert in the field of senior care.  She's also a forthright and honest  person and she gave me her top 3 choices as well as her reasons why they were on her list. I trust this woman because she'd already done all the research - plus she knows my mum. Narrowing it down to three options made the process so much more manageable. I made appointments and started touring. I felt like a reporter armed with my notebook and taking photo...

The best thing that my parents ever did for me was to give me an older brother. Although only two years my senior, Kevin has always been my protector. Though some may find Kevin a wee bit crazy, I feel safest when I'm with him and I trust him completely. Always have - always will.  Because of our shared history and the fact that we both love our sweet mum, we didn't find the 'what to do about mum' conversation difficult.  Yes, the subject matter was hard, but the ability to talk through alternatives was easy. I can say anything to Kevin, and he to me. After mum's middle of the night foray, her doctor prescribed some anti-anxiety meds that resulted in a 2 day stay in bed. Not knowing enough about the medication, Kevin and I regularly went in to check that she was still breathing. She had literally been up for 48 hours. We figured that the combination of the new drug plus the fact that she had walked 1 mile in flip flops, spending 2 days in bed was exactly what see ne...

This week we had to check our sweet mum into an "Assisted Living Facility" here in Western New York. To be more specific, it's actually a memory care facility. The odyssey that led us to this point is both heartbreaking and humorous. And before you think I'm a ghoul for finding any of this funny, let me tell you the story. If you are friends of mine on Facebook, you'll see that my mum has been living a wonderful life in sunny Florida for the last 3 decades. My dad died 20 years ago and she learned to live life without him on the gulf coast. She had a community, was active in the church, friends in her flower club, and had a gorgeous sunset over the ocean every night. Her only complaint was that we forced her to give up driving at 90 years old. Honestly, she was a menace. You're welcome, citizens of Venice.  Of course, the onset of Covid changed things. My brother, Kevin moved in with her during the pandemic and started to take care of her. She was among the mo...