Dementia - the story of the rapid decline of an amazing wee lady.

This week we had to check our sweet mum into an "Assisted Living Facility" here in Western New York. To be more specific, it's actually a memory care facility. The odyssey that led us to this point is both heartbreaking and humorous. And before you think I'm a ghoul for finding any of this funny, let me tell you the story.

If you are friends of mine on Facebook, you'll see that my mum has been living a wonderful life in sunny Florida for the last 3 decades. My dad died 20 years ago and she learned to live life without him on the gulf coast. She had a community, was active in the church, friends in her flower club, and had a gorgeous sunset over the ocean every night. Her only complaint was that we forced her to give up driving at 90 years old. Honestly, she was a menace. You're welcome, citizens of Venice. 

Of course, the onset of Covid changed things. My brother, Kevin moved in with her during the pandemic and started to take care of her. She was among the most vulnerable, so he did the shopping and limited her exposure to others. Together, they forged a new kind of living arrangment that worked out quite well for both of them. A cocktail every evening to wind down the day and meals cooked with flair by my brother. Laundry and kitchen clean up were handled by my mum.  

Her physical health was great. She moved and grooved like nobody's business. She could wash floors on her hands and knees, kneel in her garden and get up without assistance. Plus, she never sat still. Literally. When she sat down she always put her legs out straight and pumped them up and down (ps -she has beautiful gams so there is something to be said for her habit.)

During Covid, we did notice that her memory was getting worse and she tended to fixate on certain problems. Kevin and I thought that the lack of social interaction was not helping her brain  - but there was very little we could do about it with the world shut down. Her conversations were like a tape loop that couldn't turn off. Her major worry was whether she could continue to afford to live in her condo on the beach. The reality is that her place has no debt and she has no money worries. But, I had taken over her finances a long time ago and she just didn't have the visibility into her financial status anymore. Even though I would explain things, she continued to worry about her financial health. 

Like a lot of old ladies she had bouts of urinary tract infections (UTIs) which may affect your brain if left untreated. When she started acting loopy, we would get her urine tested and, sure enough, the antibiotics adminsitered would clear up the hallucinations. Little did we know that these bouts were a prelude to what was to come.

Christmas 2022 she hosted a slew of relatives at her condo and we all had a great time. We did noticed that she was failing to make connections, and that her memory was starting to betray her. She seemed more rooted in her early teenage years, and preferred to discuss things related to the 1940s and 50s. But she was still 'with it' enough to have a good conversation, dress for dinner, and say heartfelt prayers before a meal. She was aware of  what was going on in the world, watched the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer each night, and knew the 'ins and outs' of her grandchildren's lives.

Then something happened in February 2023 - she went off the rails. She started hallucinating and scaring the shit out of my brother. One night she stayed up all night anxiously pacing the condo muttering to herself. Kevin put her back into her room, shut the door, and told her to go to sleep at least 4 times. To make things even freakier, she thought Kevin was our dad/her husband (they do look alike, I'll give you that) and that threw Kevin for a loop. Ugh! Right? The next night she quietly donned a low cut dress, put on her lipstick, stuffed 2 purses with various items (including a change of clothes)  and noiselessly shut the front door behind her. At 2 a.m. this 92 year old, 4'8" woman, shuffle/walked a mile into town where she was found, sitting in the park by some lovely local police who deduced where she lived (I mean, practically her entire life was in her purse so it wasn't hard to figure out her address). Kevin called me that morning and said, "I can't do this alone anymore". 

I flew down that day and we started to weigh our options. 

Part 2 tomorrow.