Savor the moments

Photo credit: Thomas Bogner

When I was a young mother, I remember telling myself to savor the moments - at least when I had the time to think about it.  Like most new mothers I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed with the responsibility of the new baby. Some days just getting in the shower was an accomplishment. Other days I dug deep and tried not to accidently kill anyone. Add having to go back to work and a meltdown seemed inevitable. Finding my way through that particular work/life 'balance' (balance? ha!!) I was frequently torn by the two competing worlds and usually felt that I was failing in both. Inadequacy was a constant emotion, and I considered quitting my job (which I loved) just to manage all the stuff at home. And it only got worse when our second child arrived. But I was one of the lucky ones: I had a husband who took over most of the cooking and grocery shopping.  And then we found magical Paulette who helped us raise our two little ones. Without Paulette I would not have had the ability to pursue a career and the kids would have been deprived of a superb role model. We owe her so much. 

Paulette right in the middle - still a big part of our lives

Somehow, we mothers figure out a way to get through the chores of parenting, either alone* or with a partner or other social networks. We work hard to do all the right things and then try to remember to relish the fun stuff. I was fortunate to have a huge support system but somehow that time period....it all felt ... rushed.

All of these memories have been resurfacing lately because I just became a grandmother. And I've been able to babysit this sweet wee girl on a regular basis. Babysitting as a grandmother is perhaps the greatest gift I've ever received. 

Instead of looking at my watch and making lists with my left hand while feeding the baby -  now I relax, look deeply into her eyes, examine her face, hands, and skin, and breathe in her scent.  Instead of tiptoeing to her bassinette, holding my breath and slowly lowering her so I don't wake her (to give me time to throw in a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, defrost something for dinner, you get the idea), I just sit with her while she sleeps in my arms. Her entire nap. Because. I. Can. I have the time. And I don't have the responsibility.  I don't even have to cook dinner when I go home.

Marrying Bill and being able to have kids was the best thing to ever happen to me. I love them to the depths of my being. And I felt confident that as they were growing, I really was savoring the moments. And now I've been granted this huge bonus. I get to enjoy it all over again but with no guilt, no timetable, and no feelings of inadequacy. 

I wish everyone had this opportunity. It's heaven on earth.  

*Single parents! They are by far the strongest and most resilient people on the planet.