Giving

My dad gave me some very good advice a long time ago. He told me there were two types of people in the world: givers and takers. If you want a happy life, all you have to do was to surround yourself with givers… and to be a giver, too.  Simple, elegant, and true.

I’ve been very sad the last few weeks and I haven’t been able to write. My dear friend has been really sick and this week we lost her.  Maureen Sheeran Isenberg was one of the most giving people I’ve ever met.  I was one of many who absolutely adored her. She and I met each other at work 30 years ago and over the years developed a deep and lasting bond. She moved away from Buffalo, but we kept in touch by meeting ½ way for dinner, exchanging books, stories, and laughs.

What drew me to her initially was her sense of humor. She was witty and irreverent and knew exactly how to make me laugh. She wasn’t just amusing, she was hilarious. And her incredible memory made her storytelling even more compelling. She could recall details and set the stage as well as David Sedaris (a favorite of ours).  She had a sharp eye for detail and an even sharper tongue. But, even though her stories had a healthy dose of sarcasm, she was always able to weave her own compassion into these tales. Maureen always said that she had a dark soul – she didn’t. She could just discern the darkness and then make light of it.    

A few years ago, my son, Will was performing with his improv group at Amherst College. I wanted to go see the show but it was a 6-hour drive and Bill couldn’t get away. I called Maureen and told her I would pick her up on the way. She didn’t hesitate. When I met her at the Park 'n Ride on the I-90, she had her overnight bag and a cooler of beer. When we checked into the (rather upscale) hotel, she deadpanned with the hotel clerk that we were carrying vital organs in the cooler.  It is better than having everyone think we were a couple of drunks she said to me.  Later, when we met up with Will, he warned us that the show might be a little raw. Maureen looked at me and said ‘Giddy up!’  Will was right – it was pretty crude and right up our alley.

She was a voracious reader and was always giving me books. Bags of them. I couldn’t keep up with her pace. When we met for dinners, she’d just heave a couple of grocery bags of books into my trunk and told me if I didn’t read them, to just give them away.

When Maureen and her family moved back to Buffalo a few years ago, I was thrilled. We could see each other more regularly! We would meet for lunch (with her twin girls), get pedicures (or, as Maureen said ‘get our hooves done’) and talk and talk.  When she would visit me at my house, she would bring more food than I was actually serving! She was never empty handed. Even if she were just stopping by, she’d bring baked goods. It was as if her presence wasn’t enough of a gift.   

Then she came back to work with me! In 3 years, she was promoted to Managing Director of a major part of our business. Did I mention she was really smart? She would never say that! She was always so self-deprecating about her many gifts. She could cut through the nonsense and figure out a way to make it work. She would not abide bullshit or suffer fools. A masterful manager whom everyone loved - even those who reported to her. She was highly respected because she was truthful and she listened. The greatest gift that a manager can give to her employees is to take the time to actually listen. And, she did.

Maureen was diagnosed with cancer during the time that I was recovering from having my knees replaced. I remember her matter of fact discussion with me about what was about to happen. I had to call her back twice as I tried to compose myself - I literally couldn’t hear what she was saying. She ended up consoling me! She even came over to my house a few times to take care of me while I hobbled around. Bringing pastries and clothing that no longer fit her thin frame, answering my phone, and telling me to eat. Did I mention she had cancer?

Maureen continued to work while she sought treatment. She would call me from Roswell Park (our local top-notch cancer center) while she was getting infusions. She had her laptop and her earphones and we would discuss her business. She’d ask me to look up some financial information and discuss strategy. Then she’d lower her voice and say “these poor people over here – what they’re going through!”

…THESE poor people? She was one of them.  But, she didn’t see it that way. Maureen considered herself one of the lucky ones.  She had an adoring husband, four perfect children, her close siblings, a job she loved, a house full of animals, innumerable friends, and doctors who really cared for her. Cancer was just getting in the way a bit.

 I am so very grateful for her friendship. The world was better because she was in it and her legacy will continue because her DNA is in Matthew and Evan, Lizzie and Katie.

Maureen Sheeran Isenberg was a tough broad who went down swinging. She gave and gave and gave until she couldn’t give anymore. I’m hopeful that my dad will be there (wherever ‘there’ is) to welcome another giving soul.