Snow Angels

Today I woke up to blue sky, sun, and a bit warmer weather (30 degrees). The ground still has about a foot of snow and the reflection of the sun made sunglasses a must today.  It was such a beautiful day that I immediately felt guilty reveling in it when I know how many are suffering in Texas because of the weather.

I’m not dealing with life and death issues like my southern pals – I have heat, electricity, and running water. Yet, despite all of my good fortune, including the sunny view from my window - I was blue today. When I get really down in the dumps, I play tricks with myself to feel better. I know that I do not suffer from real depression – I know what that is and I know I don’t have it. So, please understand when I say I’m fighting the blues, I’m well aware that what I do to dispel the blues will not help those with clinical depression.

Today, I did a series of things to lift the cloud.  First, I told Bill to stay out of the kitchen while I prepped tonight’s main course. I was looking forward to chopping some rosemary, basil, garlic, and oregano, squeezing some lemons, and oiling up the chicken legs with a very aromatic marinade.  Having dinner ready by 1 p.m. – that’s a great first step to feeling positive.  

Second, Bill and I went for a long walk with warm clothing and sunglasses. The combination of the movement, the sun, and Bill’s lessons on common roof types while we examined the houses in our neighborhood contributed to the lightening of my mood.  Many people wouldn’t appreciate Bill’s encyclopedic knowledge of all kinds of insane topics. However, his desire to share what’s rattling around in his brain is a gift to me – I have a walking library alongside me.

Last, and something that always work: I pretended to be a kid. I slogged back into an untouched part of the yard, flipped around and fell back in a pile of snow in order to make a snow-angel. I immediately felt the cold on my butt,  snow found its way down my left boot, and I accidently caught my necklace in my zipper as I zipped it up to keep my neck warm.  However, those moments on my back with the sun in my face were the perfect antidote to the blues. As I lay there, I thought of the countless times I had made angels in my childhood. A certain peace comes with the action of making the wings and the gown’s hem. Maybe because the insulative properties of the snow quiets everything around you. Or, maybe because you are forced to lie still for a while as you plan the best way to get up without wrecking the outline. Or maybe, like me, that quietude allows you to recall your childhood for a brief moment.

By the time I hefted myself back on my feet, with absolutely no grace at all, my pants were soaked with wet snow. I retraced my boot tracks back into the house, took my coat off over my head (my necklace still caught in the zipper) and breathed in the garlic and rosemary on the chicken legs. My heart was open again. Today was a good day.